:: So what? ::

If they lied, 

If they cheat,

If they cried, 

If they weep.

If they smile,

and they laugh,

If they look

and they glance.

If they curse,

and they joke.

If they speak,

If they sing,

If they throw,

If they swing.

If they utter words

and they keep silly acts.

If they keep silence, 

and make major gestures.

So what?

I'm hurt,

and it will not last.

I'm heart broken

and I will rise up.

I'm  crushed,

and it will not change me.

So what?

I'm not alone and will never be.

Leave me, 

and I'll survive.

So what?

'Sorry seems to be the hardest word' - Blue n Elton John

Sorry seems to be the hardest word

What I got to do to make you love me?

What I got to do to make you care?

What do I do when lightning strikes me?

And I wake to find that you're not there?

What I got to do to make you want me?

What I got to do to be heard?

What do I say when its all over? (babe)

Sorry seems to be the hardest word

It's sad, so sad

It's a sad, sad situation

And it's getting more and more absurd

It's so sad so sad

Why can't we talk it over?

Oh it seems to me

Sorry seems to be the hardest word

What I do to make you want me?

What I got to do to be heard?

What do I say when it's all over?

Sorry seems to be the hardest word

(Elton John)

It's sad, so sad

It's a sad sad situation

And it's gotten more and more absurd

It's sad, so sad

Why can't we talk it over?

Oh it seems to me 

Sorry seems to be the hardest word

Yeh.....sorry

Nah.......

Sorry

What do I do to make you love me?

What I got to do to be heard?

What do I do when lightning strikes me?

Yeah.....What do I got to do?

What do I got to do?

When sorry seems to be the hardest word 

Sometimes I think that sorry is the best way to tell a person, that i'm sorry. sorry for what I've done, what I've said that in any possible way that i may hurt that person's feelings or even pride.

sometimes i believe that sorry can cool a person off, can make a relationship better, can make a stranger smile. 

a person told me once, that there is no point of saying the word if you are not sincerely honest with it. a sorry should come with the feeling of sorry from the person saying so - as she quoted- 

since then, i found its hard to say sorry as easily as i would always use to. some people may just disregard everything and make accusations of me. thou, it didn't bother me. 

I've been in relationships that involves a lot of misunderstanding, pointless  argument led no where, silly acts that really hurts, spoken words that made me cried.

But it was never one sided. I knew I too took part in those processes. 

always human being judge a situation from own point of view. always human say sorry when they know they're in the wrong place. always.

it's not wrong. i'm in no place to say such thing. 

But,

since, I've been able to argue, find firm facts, and admit loss in any. i said sorry too. in such situation, i knew during the process, emotions are involved. i knew that i hurt in any way the others' feeling. i admit my loss, i said sorry. 

i acted out, made irrational demands and it tires people around me. do i say sorry? yes. in such situation. 

but, 

I would not tolerate an ongoing sorry, a pointless sorry,  a cynical sorry and a sorry act. I tried. but i just can't. 

its never wrong to say sorry thou. even if it fills up above criterion. and in such case, other would expect me to return a sorry. will i? depends.

_I'll be your chamberlain_

" If clouds were cotton, then you are candy, a taste wild, but dissolves when conjured
If rainbows were shawls, then you are thread, the building blocks, rarely noticed

If diamonds were grey, then you are darkest, they weep when you do, they bleach
The rainbows grow dull, the candy a lasting bitter, and the clouds float out of reach

Fate is sand, the wind blows, and I am but one grain.
My love, the diamonds long to shine, smile, and I’ll be your chamberlain "


*ini opening je heh~* Isn't it lovely? Actually, it's my friends FB wall post. I like how he put them together. And how he described it. I've been a fan of English literature since I knew about it. Always knew that language is my strongest point. *duh~ since i'm taking english class kn this sem.so what? let me bebel la~* But why am I in UTM doing for so long this engineering field?

I feel its challenging, i feel its risk taking, eye opening, and so many more. I like studying just as much as i enjoy eating spicy foods. My sayang once said, that i actually enjoy studying. Even though its stressful. Because eating spicy food is stressful and challenging, but i enjoy every bit of it. heeheehaa!! When, i leave school, i realize that my time studying was the best time in my life. *gila x?* 

But, its hard thou. Me not liking math subjects as engineering student. its like showering with no soap or shampoo. or so. i don't know. But, I can handle it. just it needs more exercise. My CEO always advise me to not give up, and always said math just needs a lot of practice. Its not the end of the world. I believe her. I've never give up. 

Just now, my lecturer opens up his book of student life to us. He told the whole class, that he wasn't even a science stream student, he took art. But, all of a sudden, he feels like doing engineering, and he went for it. It was hell - as what he said. Yes, i should know - since i'm really poor at science stream subjects back then. heh~  But its no excuse right? since, i've already have basics of it. 

For now, i'm starting back. from scratch shall i say. need to focus! 

*susah la ramai sgt member seangkatan da nk bina masjid.pastu, g majlis org, kne ar cantik2 bagai, bagi hadiah nk mula idup baru, manis2 muka sambil ber-reunion2 kt umah org kawen... ak bile lagi?? aarrgghh! stress!!! heeheehaa!!~  pastu td g men skuasy jap, tup2 kne get out dri court, nk bg laluan yg pro main... pergh, yg kite tempah awal2 pe kes... hahaha... mengong je nk komplen~ smart sungguh budak yg main skuasy td,, seb bek lpasan spm. hahahahaha~ *

babai korang. its all for today~ my babbling~

"air suam ye..."

Ha, indicates the story i'm about to type...
It all started when i read one of the entries from Miss Oshin love Blog, she did mention something bout porridge, n air suam that costs her rm 1.50...(blah..blah..blah..)

Nway, it all did started with the day 'harga barang naik' ... when our prime minister said it.

mula2 minyak, tepung, susu, gula, ...
after all that happened, the peniaga become more restrained or shall i say kedekut n bkira about the food they sell.
Usually, we can find medium sized (i mean really medium not small medium) karipap at the price of rm 0.30 sebiji..means, rm 1 for 3 karipaps.

Then the condense milk that was normally at the range of rm 1-1.50 per tin, become rm 2.00++ lately..
then, the oil that we use for cooking, (pehal la plak ni...) increase price . not to mention, susah plak nk jumpa... came to a point when i want to fry the what's left in my freezer- shocked! "ha! minyak xde??"

then, i reported the situation to my house CEO= MAMA!

Me:'mama, minyak abes. nnt jgn lupe pick one up sblm blek umah ye, tankiu!'

Mama: 'ala, minyak mmg xde.. xpayah la goreng2, nnt la mama cari.. tp skang da cari mmg xde..'

That is not a good news..(nway, lari ke arah topik semula)

there was once i worked as a salesperson....it was a long day, i stopped by at a mamak stall.
1st time, i asked air suam, he charged me rm 0.20..okayla, fine..

late that evening, before going back to my office, i asked for 2 air suam(jauh bjalan, penat kaki...byk bcakap, haus tekak..heeheehaa!) he charged me, rm 0.60. 

monolog: aik, bukan ke td satu = rm0.20? naik plak.. naseb la, ak ni penat nk gado2...ish!!!

n another case, my mom n my sis's n me went to a mamak stall (again!)..
p/s: we r the family who loves to drink air suam (bolah order smpai 10 cawan on 1 table! heeheehaa!)

we ordered foods, like i said, we ordered 6 air suam and coloured water as well. so, mama asked for the bill, this one ane count the total (kire, punye kire) came to a total of rm 24.00
okey la, normal price for 4 people rite? then, mama asked him to explain what he had counted, and each air suam is rm0.30. then, mama said "aik, mkn byk pon nk kira air suam? bukan air suam 20sen je ke??"(we all looked at him)

he startled n replied: xde2, air suam sudah naik harga!

me mumbling: semenjak bile? pandai je nk charge org ye...

so, you see, mlampau kn.. harga minyak yg naik, air pon naik jugak... mcm pepatah, naik minyak kn? heeheehaa!! not related at all!
Just a dare, if you guys went to eat out, even at malay stalls, if u asked them bout the air suam price, they might even say,: "xpela, sy xcharge."  see, easy n breezy!

So, thanks to miss oshin again, for bringing up this idea... This is me!

♪ ♫ ♪ Jar Of Hearts ♫ ♪ ♫

Its quite a new song though, new to me.
Its very : heartbroken type of song / slow / ballad / good to listen to if you're feeling slow (=.=")?
Here you go:

Here are the words :

I know I can't take one more step towards you
Cause all that's waiting is regret
And don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore
You lost the love
I loved the most

And I learned to live, half alive
And now you want me one more time

And who do you think you are?
Runnin' round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are?

I hear you're asking all around
If I am anywhere to be found
But I have grown too strong
To ever fall back in your arms

And I learned to live, half-alive
And now you want me one more time

Who do you think you are?
Runnin round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are?

Dear, it took so long just to feel alright
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes
I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed
Cause you broke all your promises

And now you're back
You don't get to get me back

Who do you think you are?
Runnin' round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Don't come back at all

And who do you think you are?
Runnin round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
Don't come back for me
Don't come back at all

Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?

So, anyone out there whose hearts just broke, toughen your heart with this song. (jgn sedih2 yer)

Gudluck! this is me!